When Bigger was SOOO Much Better
Early on (when I was still in my 20's) I was convinced that only big numbers mattered in church.
I was so excited to be on staff at a big church working with a big youth group. But now I realize that churches that are so big really struggle. A mile wide but an inch deep.
Now we are stretching, trying to expand and I feel that pull from some pockets in the family here to be "big." Like we wouldn't matter as much unless we can seat thousands.
We have been faithfully plugging people into missions work all over. Significant life change has been happening. Genuine community has developed. And I am anxious that we might lose that spirit and lose sight on Christ as we swing out into that big church mode.
Already I have felt some territorialism creep into my heart as we talk in staff meetings. So today I sit and wonder how effective BIG really is. I look at what I left in Oklahoma and even how big gets so hard. But I suppose Tom Hanks is right and it is the hard that makes it good.
But God is faithful. And I am not. He nudges and pushes and pulls. I vacillate and hedge my bets and whine. But my spirit has not really felt at peace or rested since we decided to build a new sanctuary. God may in fact be leading us that way. But my heart remains restless.
I am afraid that as we focus on paying off a facility we will lose the effectiveness that lead to sending groups to Russia, Peru (twice), Honduras, Nicaragua (twice) and to New Orleans, Chicago, Hope, Dixonville, New York and Pascagula. I am afraid that we will miss out on sending another Catie to Turkey, another Kurt and Ryan to Nicaragua. I am afraid that another Jessica might not be able to have God take her out of the USA and leave her heart in a foreign place and call her to a life of loving God's people in another language. I am afraid that my focus will go off Bagas and onto my weekly offering. I am concerned that instead of people making Cajamarca their first mission trip, we are going to be focused on making budget.
I am so fragile and weak minded. So many things to do. All I can do is allow myself distractions. Another not-so-great moment. Of course, God will show himself faithful. I just wish once in a while I could be about my Father's business.
And I am also tired of sitting with families in ICU as their teenager fights and struggles on the other side of that door. So, so tired.
posted by Craig Smith at
3:37 PM
2 Comments:
Every time Im in the middle of church building project I think of the tower of babel. God's command to Adam and Eve then Noah and his boys was to spread out across the whole world and fill it (with His image and Glory presumably). The people at Babel said, "no." We want to stay here and make a name for ourselves. I wonder when we are building big buildings if we're not doing the same thing. Instead of making His glory known throughout the world, if we're not making a name for ourselves.
5:53 PM
I understand your concern. But remember, God can move in the big churches too. In fact, I know a girl in that big church youth group who has decided to be a missionary and is leaving on her first trip to africa in the fall.
that big church has made 3 or 4 trips to new orleans and is raising money for darfur and other needy places around the world.
thankfully we are all part of the really big church-God's church. we are just parts. the big toe may be bigger than the little toe-but it's still just a toe.
9:03 PM
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