The Creek

So, next week we take the young ones to camp. We are taking them to Falls Creek, the largest youth camp in the world. Throughout the course of the summer, there will be over 55,000 teenagers there. So, it should be a great week. Ropes courses, volleyball, skate park, alpine challenges, great worship, good teaching, great week building friendships. Exciting.

Uhm, only one drawback.

The theme for the week is Graze. Awesome. I am not complaining about the spiritual implications. I am not saying it is weak theology or it doesn't have some dramatic punch. I am sure the committee who decided the theme had great reasons and justifications for choosing this theme.

I hate it. On a personal, selfish level.

I am NOT, repeat, NOT going to wear a shirt that simply says "Graze." As a large man, I do not need that kind of attention. Everyone would see me wear a shirt that says "Graze." Just a LOUSY idea for a big guy. Graze? Really? Why don't I just wear a shirt that says "Buffet," or "Wide Load," or even "El Lardo!"

Why would you ask overweight people to do that? Graze???

This inspires me to ask the same committee to design shirts for other famous people or groups. Here is what they came up with:

- "Crackhead" for Robert Downey Jr.
- "Wino" for your local AA chapter
- a picture of a short bus for Longhorn fans
- "Purger" for whichever Olson twin looks like Karen Carpenter after three bong hits
- "Old Fart" for Brett Favre
- "Washed Up" for Shaq
- "Wasted Space" for anyone who has ever appeared on an MTV reality competition show
- "DUI" for Billy Joel
- "Cripple" for FDR
- "Racist" for Don Imus
- a picture of Michael English for Dave Mac
- "Pooper" for Aaron New
- "Idiot" for Rhett Bomar
- "DLR" for Sammy Hagar

So, I go to camp. Where I will wear a shirt that doesn't come right out and say GRAZE on it. And I will submit about forty other themes for camp next year.